1. Bigger really is better for hair. If you can make it poofier, do it. More curls are better. If you have short hair, you can pretty much forget about winning, no matter how cute you are at everything else.
2. If you have a choice between wearing formal wear, and wearing slightly more casual formal wear, always wear more formal wear. The more layers of skirt, the better. The more sparkles, the better. The longer the skirt, the better.
3. Fake smiling is always a good thing. The more fake smiles, the better. Don’t worry about being oversaccharine. Also, blowing kisses to the judges=cute and adorable.
4. Make sure you practice your pageant wave, pageant skirt twirls, and pageant hand on hip turns.
5. If you are asked questions at a pageant, do NOT worry about being original in your answers or about sounding superficial. And if they ask you for any “favorite,” make sure that you list three or four things, or as many as you can think of. Whatever you do, do NOT admit that you disagree with the premise of the question to begin with.
6. Remember, the best part of a pageant isn’t winning and proving yourself more beautiful and therefore more valuable than any other girls—it’s the friendships you form while primping in the bathroom and the fun you have on stage making eye contact with judges you have never met before, and learning how to feel “confidence.”